my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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