If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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