You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
