We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
