If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
