You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
