these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh god it's open bar.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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