I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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