sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I know her cup size but not her name....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
