I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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