i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
