so explain again why im purple
no
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
