well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
