She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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