She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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