Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
