3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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