I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
