he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
