Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
