Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
