i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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