I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Less talking, more tequila
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
