She announced her abortion via fbk
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
