My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
false alarm, still single
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
