So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
