Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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