good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
