At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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