she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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