He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
