I am spending my child support on dildos
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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