theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the liver wants what the liver wants
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
