with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
