we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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