just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
