I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
