You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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