Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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