we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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