the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
