she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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