On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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