i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
