i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
