Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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