Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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