after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
