don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
