Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
