there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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