I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
