Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize