Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize