So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
