my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
