Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have tasted many bathrooms
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
