Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
