Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
