I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
