Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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