batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
