I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
where are my eyebrows?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize