The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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