i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
