Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
