He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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