I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
