You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize