sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
