I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
