Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
