so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
